By William Alkhoury July 13, 2026
Lessons from Viktor Frankl and Alan Watts
For much of our lives, we're taught that happiness is something to pursue. The promise of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” captures one of our culture’s deepest ideals. We strive for success, pleasure, money, relationships, or the perfect set of circumstances, believing that once we arrive, happiness will finally be ours.
Yet many people discover that the harder they chase happiness, the more distant it seems. Both Viktor Frankl and Alan Watts arrived at the same conclusion from very different paths: happiness cannot be pursued directly. It emerges naturally as a byproduct when we stop chasing it and reconnect with who we truly are.
The Paradox of Happiness
Alan Watts taught that the pursuit of happiness is itself the problem. Chasing happiness is like grasping at water. True peace comes when you are completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. Authentic happiness is not a destination to reach or an object to acquire. It is found through acceptance of what is—embracing the present moment, accepting both light and darkness, and letting go of the illusion that life must always be under our control.
He famously wrote:
"When you try to stay on the surface of the water, you sink; but when you try to sink, you float."
In The Wisdom of Insecurity, Watts expands on this paradox of control:
“In humanity’s quest for psychological security…It maintains that this insecurity is the result of trying to be secure, and that, contrariwise, salvation and sanity consist in the most radical recognition that we have no way of saving ourselves.”
This critical condition of the world compels us to face this problem: how is humanity to live in a world in which you can never be secure? The highest happiness reveals that the problem itself contains its own solution. It is only in our awareness that impermanence and insecurity are inescapable, unavoidable, and inseparable from life.*
This paradox shows up everywhere. The more we try to control a relationship, the less connected we often feel. The more we strive to eliminate every uncomfortable emotion, the more power those emotions seem to gain. Likewise, the more we obsess over becoming happy, the more elusive it becomes.
Why Chasing Happiness Backfires
Viktor Frankl reached a remarkably similar conclusion through his work as the founder of Logotherapy. He argued that happiness cannot be forced because it is never the goal. Instead, happiness is the unintended consequence of fulfilling a meaning potential.
As Frankl famously stated:
"For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue."
It “must ensue,” as a side-effect. Happiness is a wonderful byproduct, the fruit of realizing and fulfilling a meaning potential—but when happiness it forced it becomes a cruel demand. When pursued directly, we only push it away and create more suffering. It’s nice to know that happiness is not the most important thing. However, when meaning is primary, happiness becomes a natural side effect. When life is organized around:
- virtues and values
- love and meaningful relationships
- acceptance, courage, and honor
- freedom paired with responsibility
- justice, compassion, and gratitude
- engagement, flow, the here and now
- mystery, wonder, and curiosity
Happiness will naturally follow. This is not optimism—it is existential realism.
The Three Human Drives
Frankl described three primary human motivations:
- The Will to Pleasure – seeking comfort and avoiding pain.
- The Will to Power – pursuing achievement, status, money, or control.
- The Will to Meaning – living according to purpose, values, freedom, and love.
Pleasure and power are not inherently wrong. The problem arises when they become life's ultimate goals. Pleasure is temporary, and power alone rarely satisfies the deeper longings of the human spirit. Meaning, by contrast, has a stabilizing and lasting quality. Humanity’s deepest drive and motivation is the Will to Meaning and when life is oriented toward meaning, lasting happiness and success will naturally unfold—without being forced.
Frankl wrote: “Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it.”
“The Way of Acceptance”
Alan Watts believed happiness comes through what he called the way of acceptance. Rather than resisting life's uncertainties and contradictions, we learn to embrace the whole of existence—including joy and sorrow, certainty and mystery, success and failure.
The handling of a problem seems to be simply the development of the ability to confront the problem. When the problem can be completely confronted, it no longer exists as a problem. A person who has developed the capacity to confront anything and everything in the past, present and future becomes capable of accepting whatever arises.**
This principle echoes wisdom found across many traditions.
- The Stoics practiced courageous acceptance, recognizing that peace comes from accepting what lies beyond our control while taking responsibility for what remains within our power.
- Logotherapy teaches that although we cannot always choose our conditions, we are always free to choose our attitude and response to those conditions. Frankl called this humanity's last and greatest freedom.
- Modern therapies such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) describe a similar practice through radical acceptance—fully acknowledging reality as it is instead of fighting against it.
- The ACT Model (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) teaches psychological flexibility through acceptance. Rather than controlling or avoiding inner experience, ACT encourages accepting what cannot be changed and committing to meaningful action.
- Carl Rogers’ person-centered approach emphasized that genuine growth begins with self-acceptance. As Rogers wrote, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
- Buddhism teaches that pain is an unavoidable part of the human condition, but suffering is a choice. Through mindfulness and acceptance, we learn to meet life's difficulties with greater wisdom and compassion.
- Taoism teaches the principle of Wu Wei (effortless action), encouraging us to work with the natural flow of life rather than forcing outcomes through struggle and control.
- The Twelve-Step tradition expresses this principle through the Serenity Prayer, emphasizing the wisdom to accept what cannot be changed, the courage to change what can, and the discernment to know the difference.
- Philippians 4:12 of the Bible, the Apostle Paul writes, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."
Despite their different languages, these traditions point toward the same truth: suffering often increases when we argue with reality. Acceptance does not mean approval or resignation. Rather, it frees us from unnecessary suffering so we can respond with wisdom instead of resistance. Happiness begins when we accept reality and choose a meaningful response.
Bringing It All Together
Alan Watts reminds us that happiness paradoxically vanishes the moment we try to possess it. Viktor Frankl reminds us that happiness is never the goal—it is the byproduct of meaning.
Together, they offer a powerful alternative to the modern pursuit of happiness.
- Don’t chase happiness—go for meaning.
- Don't resist what is—practice “the way of acceptance.”
- Don’t ask only what you want—ask what does life want from you?
- Don’t avoid suffering—feel it fully and meet it with courage.
When meaning and acceptance leads the way, happiness follows. Not always immediately. Not always perfectly. But reliably, and with lasting depth.
Works Cited
Buddha. The Dhammapada. Translated by Eknath Easwaran. Tomales, CA: Nilgiri Press, 2007.
Frankl, Viktor E. Man’s Search for Meaning. Boston: Beacon Press, 2006.
Hayes, Steven C., Strosahl, Kirk D., and Wilson, Kelly G. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change. New York: Guilford Press, 2012.
** Hubbard, L Ron. Scientology: A New Slant on Life. Los Angeles: Bridge Publications Inc., 1988.
Linehan, Marsha M. Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. New York: Guilford Press, 1993.
Marcus Aurelius. Meditations. Translated by Gregory Hays. New York: Modern Library, 2003.
Rogers, Carl R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin.
Watts, Alan. The Meaning of Happiness: The Quest for Freedom of the Spirit in Modern Psychology and the Wisdom of the East. New York: Harper & Brothers, 1940.
* Watts, Alan. The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety. New York: Pantheon Books, 1951.
The Serenity Prayer. Adapted from Reinhold Niebuhr.
The Holy Bible, New International Version. Philippians 4:12.